Thursday, 26 May 2011

Such a nice day for a white wedding

I have made a mistake! After a non-descript day at work I have settled in to watching The Wedding Singer with a glass of wine while waiting for the boyfriend to finish work.  On the note of waiting for the boyfriend I have to take a minute to say how fabulous I am having made pan-fried scallops, peas, bacon and poached eggs...with homemade shortbread and strawberries for dessert! I know I am the domestic god!

Anyway I have now decided that I am depressed because I actually love the sound track to this film, which is all 80's music meaning I am now too old for any kind of activity that involves moving from this sofa (and this glass of wine).  What I also love about this film is the fact that Drew Barrymore never changes her facial expression whether she is receiving good news or bad!

The final thing I like about it is WEDDINGS! I have two big ones coming up and I am so excited.  Afterall weddings = hen parties and hen parties = masses of alcohol (although with one of the hen parties I am not sure how I would manage booze and an inflatable costume!).  Weddings are brilliant purely for the entertainment value.  Drunken relatives, disgrunted married couples who are upset that their big day was so long ago and now they feel nothing for each or the creepy single people who grind up against each other to "Uptown Girl"!  Maybe it's just the wine talking but I have decided to love wedding season and embrace the love that is in the air...well for now anyway.

So work was uneventful really well aside from a trip the Scouse and I made to the market.  That is one scarey place.  Honestly forget Dawn of the Dead the real monsters hang out around the food markets...the less said about Messrs Lovett & Todd Family Butchers the better!  I so want one of those people from Secret Millionaire to visit my local market.  They would hear some awful life story of how the old lady who sells net curtains and knitted toilet roll covers has had to sell Speed on the side just to substitute her earnings.

Actually I could mix the two and hold my wedding at the all you can eat chinese near the markets...Dress from the net woman £1.50, Cake (Bakewell slice) 0.52p, Crazy religious woman singing hymns £5.00 plus two cans of cider...realising that you live in a shithole...price

Thank god for Mastercard!

Monday, 23 May 2011

Gossip...It's good for you!

So I now have a fully working internet connection, no thanks to the drones that work at Orange home broadband services. Honestly you would think that I had asked for the world when all I wanted was a functioning connection.  I have been passed from India to Birmingham to some other insignificant shithole down south just for the end result to be the same...some idiot can't be bothered to get his finger out of his ass and sort out my phoneline!  Well after attacking them with none stop calls to be told by some jobsworth called Gary in disconnections that constent complaints will not make my connection happen any faster I now have the ability to fill you all in on the latest happenings!

Well nothing much is the real answer to whats been happening! I mean what is that all about?! When I hear that people have started writing blogs and they say all this stuff has happend to them I have to think to myself how much of that is really true.  I mean think about it, you're a 9 to 5 worker, have a boyfriend or girlfriend/husband/wife, maybe a couple of kids or a pet dog called...Bruce...let's say he is called Bruce.  I ask you what could possibly happen in your life to make people think "do you know what their life must be really interesting!"...the answer? Nothing!  Really who cares what you did during your lunchbreak or who the office slapper has been boinking this week.


Then I also think look how well Big Brother did.  Same concept really a bunch of self absorbed people making any situation all about them.  Of course I am not saying that is what I am doing although I would be telling pork pies if I didn't admit that I am a little self-obssessed (no comments please!) but who isn't?!
I guess the problem is we all really like to know what is going on in someone else life...perhaps so that we know we are not the only ones who are going through tough times, or wear odd socks or whatever (god this is getting deep now!).  Maybe that's why these super injunctions shouldn't be allowed.  They are not good for societal mental health! Reflecting on it, what usually makes the front page...drought in Africa or Ex-super model bangs some dirty old MP?!  MP story everytime. Blocking that would destroy everyone else's pleasure. So ok the MP would be hurt for a little while but only until the cheque came from the Sunday tabloids, then who would be laughing all the way to bank...not joe public.

I think from now on honesty is the best policy and I am going to try and make all my "dirty" little secrets public, afterall no one gets any pleasure out of telling a story that's already been goes...

AS IF! I'm not completely stupid. Somethings are better left in the closet (no pun intended).