Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Insomnia and Pythagoras Theorem

?????? erm....I seem to be suffering from a mental block this evening. I blame the majority of this block on my stupid math class. I mean really who cares how many cans of fizzy drink Kuldeep can fit in his box or how long it takes Jane and Edwin to cycle from Kings Lynn to Inverness or indeed how average number of times Jane would need to change her tyre if she puctured it every 45 miles (where P = pucture due to the fact that Jane is a dick and did not get the Mega Bus, Edinburgh to London for £1.00 that's all I'm saying, and E = how many times Edwin refused to stop and ask for directions!).  Seriously that stuff will mess you up for life.

My other issue is my lack of packing.  I could potentially be moving into a new apartment on Friday and seem to have too many empty boxes as opposed to full ones (lets give it a ratio of 21:2 just because that would make my math teacher happy).

My other distractions include being drawn into the much more interesting lives of others.  That's right you guessed it Miss Brand has has been at it again.  This time her atttentions are focused on a not so bad looking client of ours who she happened to swap saliva with at the last client do.  I have to hand it to the girl she knows how to flirt and work those eye lashes.  Not that I blame her after the disappointment of the grease monkey and a few fashion mishaps (sorry love but the all black number today was a big NO NO!) she needs any distraction to can get.  Anyway I think the Scouse and I made her feel better once we had all swapped black out stories.  Don't worry Scouse your secrets are safe with me especially now I know you have added a reader to my non-existent followers list (hello Scouse's mum!).

Anyway I think that is all my brain can handle for today.  If I am suffering from a little bit of insomnia later I can get out my homework...oh goody 'Formulae in Symbols' just what your going to need in everyday life!

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Things are not what they seem

OMG I have some much to tell you all.  Where to begin on what has been a random few weeks.

I'll start by telling you about the antics of one of my colleagues who I will affectionately refer to a Katy Brand (aka Katy Perry), this nickname is partly because, in her opinion, she bears a resemblance to the pop diva however the rest of us just think she is more like the aboves, less musically talented more sexually charged husband.  Which ever view you take our Katy Brand is a sex demon at the minute.

Her story begins about two weeks ago when she was having this text fling with some muscle bound machanic/builder/plumber/something that involves dirt and grease! Miss Brand then found herself in the situation where the inevitable had to happen.  Yes boys and girls they bumped uglies, but not in the regular sense  of the phrase you understand, oh no there was no actual bumping involved as after 20 minutes of (in my opinion overrated!) foreplay the grease monkey would not stand to attention!!  Poor Katy didn't know what to do with herself and in the end retreated to the bathroom, perhaps in the hope that the absense would make his heart grow fonder, but alas it was not meant to be.  Upon her return to the room it was lights out!

Actually Katy's story has got me thinking about a few things that have happend over the last few weeks with things not appearing to be what they should.  For example when GAGA and I went to some bar for dinner recently she decided to have some fabulous sounding French dish which involved pastry and cheese.  When it arrived it was nothing more that a posh cheese and onion pasty on a bed of rocket leaves, which just goes to show you that you are probably better off going for the meat and potato pie everytime.  No the reason I say about things not being what they seem is because I am currently in the process of looking for an apartment.  It's a nightmare and as hard as hell to actually get to the point where you would be able to put your money down!  Bloody letting agents should be called let down agents in my opinion!!

A least I can rely on work to provide me with 8 hours worth of distractions and multiple dramas.  One such drama is called the "Try and Remember How Much I Drank and Made a Dick of Myself in Front of Clients" game which took place last Friday.  All I know is that I insulted one of them, stole a drink off another and probably spent more money than I needed to.  Friday was then followed by a Saturday hang over and the recovery of memory loss which brought on waves of ditress mixed with tiredness and a bad case of dry mouth.  Having had no sleep on Friday night or Saturday I was then expected to run around some old fire station in persuit of paranormal activity which was actually quite interesting and I am not afraid to say a little frightening!  Especially the whole 999 thing which I know means nothing to you dear readers but trust me at the time I was shitting myself.

Thinking about it I am quite looking forward to this weekend and the lack of anything to do what with horny colleagues, posh pasties, apartments and ghost hunting I am well ready for a rest...

P.S. is it me or is this blog now less about my work life and Sex and the City meets Shameless?!

Thursday, 3 March 2011

This one goes out to the one I love

So I know I have not blogged in while but that's because I have been going through some shit recently that I won't bore you with.  My point tonight is that when stuff turns so completely shit and there seems to be no end in sight I turn to the one person I know I can trust more than anyone...my boyfriend. 

Now I know the romance haters amongst you will be grabbing for the nearest bucket, but I would say to them that there is nothing more effective to cure the blues than a shoulder to rest your head and a good set of ears to take in all the bile that you need to get off your chest, whether it be about your day, or that women in the queue for cofffee or it could even just be that one phone call at 4:59pm that tippped you over the edge.  Whatever the reason the outcome is always the same, someone listens, tells you to get a grip and gives you the biggest cuggle that you suddendly forget how awful your day has been.

Well that's what I need now and what I am lacking.  So yes my eyes are heavy, yes my head hurts and yes I feel like I could throw up an entire swimming pool, but I know for a fact that just a few seconds in his arms and I will feel able to do anything (perhaps even build up the courage to tell him all this face to face!).

So there it is, this one is for you.  A full dedicated blog to just how amazing you are and how much I miss you when you are gone.

To you JG

Always yours