Sunday, 11 September 2011

Death at the Orange Call Centre and other related stories

OMG it has been a nightmare to get this damn internet connection working again! All I will say on the subject is damn all the mindless human shells that work at Orange.  Seriously I must have had to repeat myself 9,000,000 times just for some f*ckwit to tell me that my connection is not was like some awful replica of Groundhog Day (love that film!). Anyway in the end Sanjiv (who also identified himself as Barry) managed to get it into his head that I no longer wanted to be an Orange customer and we have now moved to Sky (the bonus of course is that we have TV too). So now I have a fully functioning connection with, I am told mega internet speed!

Anyway fair readers now that I am back online the time has come for me to tell you my biggest bit of news....I'm off yo university.  Yes that's right there is some lonely admissions person sitting in a windowless room who has managed to muster up enough human emotion inbetween rejection letters to give me a chance and a place on a course.  I will no longer be the fabulous PA you see before you but a student, or as my dad affectionately refers to them, lighthouses in the desert, bright but useless.  Love you dad! x

Anyway I start in one weeks time and I can't tell you how excited I am mostly because my lectures don't start until 10:30am on a Monday which means I don't have to drag myself out of bed in the early morning...not that I do that now, but it's nice to have something to look forward to other than the fact that you are going to be a mature student with more years on me than the other students have facial hair!! gulp gulp! I am going to be eaten alive.  £1 a pint night is no place for me!! I should be tucked up in bed with some Horlicks and a good Agatha Christie! oh now theres a thought I wonder if I should grow a Poirot Tash??!

I have also discovered how amazing buying stuff for uni can be.  I have become completely obsessed with coloured folders, which I will never use, and post notes, which seem like a good idea but are really just another place to get rid of your chewing gum.  Of course I am only kidding about my lax approach to uni, I am planning on being a top notch student (note to self do not ever use the expression "top notch" whilst in the presence of other students!!!) and dedicate myself to the very scientific study of Events Management.  There has to be some science involved in throwing a good party I mean afterall you have measures and things to sort...:-(

All joking apart I am seriously shitting myself about the prospect of entering a class room again.  The other students are going to be bright faced and not remember things like Button Moon and Heman or what Smarties tasted like with all those artificial colours...ah the good old days!  I am going to be doomed to have to educate them....ooooo wait a minute I feel a project coming on...all I have to do to get my new uni friends to like me is dominate their lives to much that they won't have an opinion other than mine....and I will be the greatest student EVER HAHAHAHA!

Ok psycho moment over and back to reality to finish the entry before my Bovril gets cold and I lose all interest in Murder on the Nile, the plan is...

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